The Parenthetical / this is so corny but i gotta write it out as it comes to get to where i want to be / who gon check me boo?

side-eye, unspoken

stepped to 95-live

got the side-eye.

from people I thought I was cool with. wtf. like really. but I dealt with a kid (more appropriately, b.a.n.) who is an incredible abuser, liar and manipulator and then I dealt with his peer (I know, I know) who KNOWINGLY dealt with me afterwards… so what did I, pray tell, expect?

(unspoken)

(we were in cahoots unspoken)

(all of this makes all three of us stupid but I’m the only one getting raked through the coals – black woman ((but karma is a black woman too))- unspoken)

(what makes the two of them stupid is: they are in each others’ faces right now kee-keeing – #2 who claims to be private like me is telling #0 my personal business; #0, cause I can’t intelligently call him #1 – he is indeed a zero, is telling me about how #2 is telling him my personal business AND #0 is using it to get back in good with me ((stupid)) and trying to elevate himself by claiming he NEVER talked badly about me)

(i’m listening so I can find out the truth about the lie ((book title?)) – only reason I’ll ever talk to zero aka #0 aka b.a.n. (((who did me dirty when I was nothing but kind))) again)

(I was kind and giving to both of them – thought #2 and I were friends who just got caught up doing something stupid together and that he would step up and tell the truth and defend me – you know, since I helped him a lot, feed him, supported him, helped to straighten out his life some – did quite a few important things for him, unspoken – makes me real stupid)

my intentions were wrong – I was on some childishness revenge type of craziness that the b.a.n. had left on me. energy transfer. sure, generally I do the right thing, whatever that means (treating people the way I want to be treated, I guess?) but obviously, i’m not above doing stupid things. they got me. i’m human. I forgive myself. ironically, i’ve learned the most powerful lesson of self-love through this experience… i’m ain’t gon thank nobody tho

but wtf. yes, back to that.

I won’t be surprised to hear an incredulous story emerge. because, zero is a bitch. and so is karma; she got me good.

-gelle, who saw #2 looking stupid tonight (he knows he helped start some shit- it’ll come out). didn’t join the club this time. is gonna make him her bitch one day, unspoken. was complicit and therefore, part of the problem. now, wants to be part of the solution. keeps it real, making amends with herself.

6 lies that I kept listening to but knew or should have known they were lies – i’ll admit I was so caught up in the drama of being entertained by this zero (that makes me stupid, but entertained …and human. I can acknowledge all the stupidity and move on better, stronger, faster…) now, it’s field research.

6. “I love you.” Y’all I dealt with this fool twice. In July-August. That’s it. But he loves me tho. Smh.

5. “If I were to get married again, I want to marry you.” (he was married? wtf married this bitch?) Nvm. Should have been unspoken since everyone deserves love.

4. “We have a strange type of love, like Avatar.” (we do?) oh. smdh. this experimenting thing with young boys has gone too far. y’all I played the game with him tho. I’m taking responsibility for my part. for reals.

3. “she is stalking me.” about another woman (I assume another victim) who I really didn’t know but came to know some things about her because she was “a stalker, then his best friend, then his girlfriend, then his live in girlfriend” and only the devil knows what else… oh, and he taught her what she knows about the business – she owes him, yall. foh.

2. I can’t work because I’m working so hard on my album. Okay, he didn’t say that. This was, you guessed it, UNSPOKEN. Ha! Oh, but my skin tone is perfect – my booty is not big but my body is perfect – i’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. he did say that.

and drum roll please.. 1. “I broke up with my girlfriend (who? which one? so confused). I want to be with you.”

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